small world

when i was in middle school i went on a trip to a conference in washington dc called DC94. it was so great. middle schoolers in washington dc with thousands upon thousands of other middle schoolers there for a conference and to worship God. it was so great. i have tons of pictures of us having breakfast at mc donalds or when we walked close to our hotel to a bagel shop. i remember on that trip feeling like i was actually an adult or close to it at least.

a couple years later i went to another conference called LA97 in the heart of Los Angeles at the LA convention center. i remember thinking it was so amazingly cool to be in los angeles. our walk from our hotel to the convention center was a lot longer than DC and i remember carrie elston and i stopped to buy gerber daisies on one of the journeys either to the convention or home. one morning we were walking from the hotel to convention center and as we walked over an overpass, in the far far distance we could see the hollywood sign. i just remember thinking that some day i would live there. i would move to this far away, foreign land. i remember thinking that it was so far away from home and it was so different. there was more concrete than grass, there were buildings and palm trees and there were homeless people on the streets and in the doorways. that was the first time i was in los angeles, the first time i saw that hollywood sign, ate at in-n-out burger and i fell in love with that city. it's scary and unknown. i felt like i could drive on same street every day and it would be something different. the cultures were endless and the city never sleeps. i knew that i wanted to go back.

flash forward only 8 years later and i was driving on the 10 freeway heading west looking for the road to get to merediths house and i see to the north of the freeway... the los angeles convention center. it was amazing to see that something i saw as being so far away and so foreign turned out to be so familiar. i drove on that road a lot... i wish it would have been more. (and that's the only time you'll hear me say i wish i spent more time on the freeway). eight years. that's all it took. it only took me eight years to pack up and move and do something i said i would always do. i didn't live in LA, and i like that because it still held a lot of mystery for me but i still love that city. i think southern california is one of my favorite places with a lot of my favorite people.

i've been missing california a lot lately. it's not that i regret moving home, i'm glad i'm here but i can't help but have this feeling that i left california too soon. i know it would have been harder to leave years down the road but it was hard already. i did a lot of crying before i left. i'm struggling a little bit with being here. i'm happy i'm here but it's strange. some days i feel like i've been gone for 10 years and others i feel like i never left... and strangest yet, i don't know which feeling i prefer.

i'm going back to LA in july for merediths wedding and i can't wait to get there. i'm trying to figure out everything i want to do while i'm back and i know right now that two weeks won't be long enough. if i could go for longer, i would in a heart beat.