i'm back.

well, this is one of those posts that should be longer than it will end up being. here it is in a nutshell.

about a month ago, i realized how unhappy i was. i mean, i realized it before, but a month ago was when i finally decided to not allow it to continue. so, i came up with a plan. i wanted to change my life in 30 days. it sounds crazy because changing your life is big...huge, really, and doing it in a matter of 30 days seems a little dumb. i'm not done but i'm well on my way. i'll elaborate later but here it is, again, in a nutshell.

• quit my job. you betcha, no more "holiday"
• took a vacation home to see family and friends
• went out of my way to put my friends above my job when i drove two hours to be there when meredith got engaged... stayed 45 minutes... and turned around and drove 2 hours home.
• realized that i'll regret the things i don't do, not the things i do. so it's time to take some risks!
• got to have dinner with one of my best friends amber and her amazing husband (who by the way, sets a totally unrealistic goal for us single girls!!)
• got to have dinner with christi, sarah nunley - miller (i totally just hyphenated her name and it's not normally) and sarah wheeler - and laughed harder than i have laughed in a very long time. i don't know what it is with the four of us but i LOVE spending time with these girls!
• bought a car
• did i mention i quit my job?!?
• decided to move back to indiana, i depart the state of california on december 17th (anyone want to drive for four days with me??)
• started working out more often
• found out that merediths bridesmaids dresses will be black and that's huge, being that the last three weddings i was in were pink, red and pink. black. i'm so excited. (this is also some motivation for the item above.)
• decided to stop letting myself get walked on
• read two books (which is actually a pretty big accomplishment for this non-reader)
• realized that i'm secretly in love with anderson cooper (from CNN) and bear grills (the guy from how to survive in the wild)
• i quit my job!!! that's amazing to me. my last day is the 14th
• i'm selling everything that won't fit in my new car on ebay because i refuse to drive a u-haul across the country...again
• i'll be my own boss in indiana!!!
• i had the chicken pox... for the FOURTH time. doctor confirmed. it's official, i'm a freak of nature.
• i had my name published on the internet movie database or imdb.com. i know it's not a feature film, but man it's exciting to see my name someplace that i always wanted it to be.
• was close enough to the wildfires that it was frightening, they closed my work for two days due to smoke. (luckily i was in indiana) and i was blessed enough to not lose my home. that's amazing since 2000 families did.

so, i wanted to change my life in 30 days. i'm on my way. i'm actually pretty proud of myself for getting this far in a matter of thirty days. to be honest though, i'm so sick of making decisions that trying to figure out what to eat for dinner last night honestly almost made me cry. i may need more sleep.

i'm so excited to see what's in the near and distant future. i told my friend tim that i felt like i was terrified because i didn't know what was going to happen next and he pointed out something amazing to me. he said, 'there is a thin line between exciting and terrifying and the trick is to walk the line as often as you can.' i am holding onto that line with everything i've got!

so, perhaps in the near future i'll elaborate on some more of this stuff. i mean, i'm going to be 27 soon and i just quit my job... i'm going to be unemployed, i never thought i'd look forward to that. in the mean time, between the 14th of november and the 17th of december, i will still be in southern california. i'll be editing full time, finishing up the project that put my name online... i'll also be trying on bridesmaids dresses for merediths wedding.

gotta sleep, it's not easy to sleep with your brian going a million miles an hour thinking, "please let someone buy my old car and my furniture."

i'm liquidating everything i own and i sold my laptop on ebay and now i only have my desktop and i've realized that i'm a spoiled brat. i'm so used to not having to sit at a desk to work and now, i'm sitting at a desk... which happens to be for sale.

:o) it's amazing what 30 days can do. all of a sudden, i don't feel like i'm merely existing.