okay, again, this begins with a warning: this isn't alarming. i'm going to vent a bit. it's kind of a connection from the previous post.

have you ever felt like your life isn't really yours? your time isn't yours? that's where i am right now. i feel like i'm owned by the company that i work for and when i leave there, i'm owned by the people i'm working for. it sucks. my normal job, i don't have normal days off. every week is different, my days off are never the same and they are rarely together. the days off i do have, i'm working contract work.

i know, i know i've done this to myself. and my plan is to undo it. i'm working on it. i've set unrealistic expectations for myself.

it's a bad feeling when you feel like you're living a life that's not yours. it's a worse feeling when you feel like you're owned by someone/some corporation.

i may not blog for abit. i'm needing to reprioritize my life for a while. i'm going to be journaling all of this but it'll be some things that i won't want to post to the whole web. i'll post some highlights once i've reached the other side. i've set myself a time deadline to make changes in my life. i've wasted too much time up til now. i've let myself become a hermit because of work and i don't like it. i have to listen to voice mail instead of talk to people because of horrible work hours and i feel like i've let the relationships in my life that matter most, fall short. and to all of you i've done that to, i'm so sorry. i've been a bad friend. you know who you are...you've all recently had a relationship with just my voicemail. aparently i can't balance.

i've started a longer list of things i'm adding into my life, you know, things i actually want in my life. who would have thought that was a possibility. so here's the question... what are the things in your life that make you feel the most fulfilled? things that i can add to my life, i'm taking suggestions.

p.s. met a guy and he may TOTALLY be one of those things i add into my life. we'll see.

until next time america.